iconAll times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:19 PM. | Welcome to Forum, please register to access all of our features.
Old 04-22-2018, 05:06 PM   #1
Bukowski
Your Problematic Bae
 
Bukowski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Miami, Florida
Posts: 2,662
Default [Sound] The Killing Ground


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mission Description
There is a road, heading between the Northern Ports and Hidden Sound, that has been deemed too dangerous to travel. As a major thoroughfare, this is bad for merchants and shinobi alike, with less and less food making it to the village, or out to port. Word is that Sound shinobi are the blame, with the corpses of those killed being left out along the path to rot, showing all those who try to go to Sound that they are not welcome. The village knows better, and it is believed that specialized mercenaries are picking off anyone that travels down the long road with a powerful ambush squad. We need to find those responsible for this trap, and destroy them.
__________________

MEMBER OF THE MUTHAFUCKIN' YEAR!
Don of the Sanada Family
Leaf & Grass Lieutenant



Let's end the speculation, I'm talkin' to all of y'all
Males shouldn't be jealous, that's a female trait
What, you mad ‘cause you push dimes and he sell weight?
Y'all don't know my expenses, I gotta buy bigger plates
Hehehe, and more baggies — why you all aggie?
Homie, respect the game, that should be it
What you eat don't make me shit; where's the love?



Bukowski is offline  
Old 04-22-2018, 07:32 PM   #2
Junge
u havin a giggle m8
 
Junge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,917
Default

Claimed and rated.

Overall, kind of an average thread. There were some good ups, and some crappy downs, so it all meshes together for your standard ratings. Two points, one for jutsu for Buko and Merdle, Three points, one for jutsu for Cayuga. Opinions and such below, yadda yadda, you know how this goes.

Did there really need to be so much talking early on? It felt less like it was an organic discussion between three soldiers and more like you guys didn’t talk about the thread beforehand and were trying to figure out what to do in the first fifteen posts. This is especially obnoxious in retrospect because almost none of it mattered later on.

For a 3 person thread I’m glad there was a minimum of repetition between posts. The beginning was by far the worst in this regard, but by the middle to end of the thread things were flowing very smoothly, so thank you for that.

The fighting was very meh for me. It was well written, don’t get me wrong. Easy to follow, pacing was alright. But to summarize from a Merdle post:
Quote:
See bad guy, cut bad guy,
And not much more. I really wasn’t sold on the danger at all and one-hit kills are always a horrible anticlimax. Echo was my favorite person in the thread, I was rooting for him the whole time. What an awful way to go.








Junge is offline  
Old 04-22-2018, 07:57 PM   #3
Cayuga
Hardcore Member
 
Cayuga's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,486
Default

Thank you for the quick grading; amazes me, anyways I will read my posts from now on for the fear of junges wrath is strong.

2 power and I would like to get a new list

Spider Den
Stage 1 - Relo
Control 3, Willpower 2
Cayuga is offline  
Old 04-22-2018, 08:29 PM   #4
Bukowski
Your Problematic Bae
 
Bukowski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Miami, Florida
Posts: 2,662
Default

I don't disagree with a lot of my writing sounding the same but that's really a function of who I am as a writer. I'm not formally trained at all and am very conversational when I write, so yeah, there are similar nuances throughout all my characters. I'm a little hurt that I just play the same guy all the time but I'm attracted to similar themes and my folks are different in my heart. Have 50 threads with Sanshiro and 10 years of experience so there are certain characteristics of him that bleed into everything I write. Sanshiro himself has a lot of my personality, at least the id of my personality, in him so I wouldn't doubt that at all.

I mean, I don't really know what to say because I tend to see the nuance and difference in my own writing...but I can't deny I like curse words and gambling metaphors. As Eminem once said "Will Smith don't gotta cuss to sell records, well I do--so fuck him and fuck you too"

It is a legit critique though so I'll try and be more self aware when I'm doing it.Hopefully it isn't so obnoxious for you, a lot of this is my own personal habits and predispositions and I'd hate for the commonality in my style to take away from the differences in my characters. At the same time it's extremely likely you're gonna find similar phrasing and themes throughout my writing and NPC work--sometimes I even rehash things intentionally believe it or not. Buko's gotta Buko after all.

Also, I'd hardly call Echo's death a one hit kill, it literally happened over 3 posts: Sanosuke grabbed his junk, Sobyono sliced his arm, he knocked out Sobyono, Sanosuke stabbed him in the chest. Seems quite the opposite of a one hit kill, but I guess, like, there was a last and singular blow. Subtle difference though, I think. Just me though!

I do appreciate the quick rating as always and the critical eye--the level of investment in the rater pushes me to have more investment as a writer. I'd kinda like if you tone down between calling my characters variations of schizophrenic or reckless immature dickweeds because I think in general we're above that and it takes away from some of the good points you're making--because you're kinda being a dickweed. Can't knock it too much, Junge's gotta Junge after all. At the end of the day, I'm responsible for what I put on the screen and I gotta be responsible for the opinions and feelings it forms in the people who read my threads--I just think there's a more productive way to go about giving the criticism. As said, I know a lot of this is your own personal predispositions and quirks so I try not to get too bent outta shape: Junge's do have to Junge and Buko's gotta Buko as said before.

Not too masculine to go without saying that it does hurt me a little and get me a bit self conscious about my work...but at the end of the day I take it with a grain of salt and I very much appreciate the grains of truth I can get from it. So thanks! Now that the rating of the rating is done!

Let's go +1 strength and then use the jutsu point for a jutsu outta my swap thread to be put in Stage 4 Global Nin. Replacing Homing Roof Tile Shuriken Technique Requirements: Intelligence 14, Tactics 13, Willpower 11, Control 10

The Sixth Sense is the jootsu linked here.
__________________

MEMBER OF THE MUTHAFUCKIN' YEAR!
Don of the Sanada Family
Leaf & Grass Lieutenant



Let's end the speculation, I'm talkin' to all of y'all
Males shouldn't be jealous, that's a female trait
What, you mad ‘cause you push dimes and he sell weight?
Y'all don't know my expenses, I gotta buy bigger plates
Hehehe, and more baggies — why you all aggie?
Homie, respect the game, that should be it
What you eat don't make me shit; where's the love?



Bukowski is offline  
Old 05-01-2018, 01:32 PM   #5
merdle
Fusion Admin
 
merdle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: northerly
Posts: 6,416
Default

I'll just take +2 strength again. Thanks for the read Junge!

All edits have been done.

Last edited by merdle; 05-01-2018 at 01:42 PM..
merdle is offline  
 

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump