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Old 06-30-2017, 06:47 AM   #1
Cayuga
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Default Lullabies of Death

Len Sosu and his partner Jun Kin must face off against a rogue swordsmen with a special type of blade. Accompanied by his newly appointed dog summon, how will they fair?

Lullabies of Death
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Old 06-30-2017, 02:05 PM   #2
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I'll claim it
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Old 07-13-2017, 12:20 AM   #3
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Guys, I'll admit it was a hard one for me to get through. Thanks for your patience.

Cayuga: "The reports state that babies cry when he strikes individuals down and nothing else has really been confirmed. However, it is stated that the man has an ancient and powerful sword in his possession.


All that was stated is that he hangs around the outskirts of the Village."


Those three sentences are one after another and they all start the same. I think you would have caught the choppy, repetitive nature if you have reread it aloud. It's something I started doing and I noticed it help immensely. Whenever I fumble my words, I know editing needs to happen. If my mouth can't flip it around, the mental gymnastics won't cut it, either.

There were some weird OOC moments turned IC like the SUNA-KAZE mixup. If that was an intentional accident, and not just a typo, a wink and nudge to it in the post would have worked well, whereas it read as "mistake-noticed-admission" by author. It came off as very mechanically broken, not story broken.

Kap: Kin is great. Love him. He's fun and kind of flowy which is perfect because the tone really matched. I felt like you were having fun with him, especially in the premium moments like where laughs and says he's been doing it longer because he's older. Also the two trails of blood part was genius, describing that was something I wouldn't have thought about (one trail leading back to town) and really made the thing seem more concrete.

Cayuga: My favorite character is the doggo. Every thread should have a dog summon. If not it's a waste of a thread. Great job with the doggo. Big fan.

2 points, both y'all. Stat or jootz is cool.
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Old 07-13-2017, 02:10 AM   #4
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Thanks for the rating. Glad you liked Kin

I'd like +1 speed and Suna Bunshin (Sand Clone), stage 1 sand ninjutsu
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Old 07-15-2017, 07:32 PM   #5
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I will be taking +2 to Willpower. Now that I got that done I will be using 2 AP to achieve Stage 4 of the following lists.

Kyokugi-Ken (Sword of Acrobatic Feats)
Stage 4:
Requirements: Strength: 14 Speed: 14 Stamina: 15 Willpower: 14
Stat Bonus: +3 Strength, +3 Speed, +3 Stamina
Regular Technique:
Javelin Thrust

Sa Kishin Kobushi (The Fierce God Fist)
Stage Four:
Stat Requirements: Strength 17, Stamina 16, Speed 10, Willpower 14
Stage Bonuses: +5 Strength, +4 Stamina
Regular Techniques:
Name: Karada Buki (Body Weapon)

To help you; my physical block will look as such.

Strength: 1+1{TS}+2{HT}+6{pool}+7{AP} +1[Thread]=18+20{FG}=38
Speed: 1+1{TS}-2{HT}+15{pool}+3{AP}+2[Thread]=20+25{VF}=45
Stamina: 1+1{TS}+1{HT}+9{pool}+6{AP}+1[Thread]=19+15{DF}=30

Also, to note; I took the sword from the thread. Can you please put it in my inventory

Zan’ei Toujin

Thanks man
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Old 07-16-2017, 05:40 PM   #6
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Edits did. Kap got impatient and made me.
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