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Old 03-15-2010, 10:35 PM   #1
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Default Changing Perspectives <Rated>

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Kana- Oringo Kana
Ace65- Egami Eijiro

Summary: What does it mean to be a shinobi, and how much is following that path truly worth to you? These questions and others like it are just a few that (sometimes) tutor Egami Eijiro and academy student Oringo Kana attempt to seek answers to. The young boy has only one chance left to become a shinobi, and he's desperate to do whatever it takes to make it. But is he truly ready to place his life on the line?
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Old 04-21-2010, 10:48 AM   #2
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I'll take this one.
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Old 05-25-2010, 03:48 PM   #3
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I did like this thread. It wasn't super amazing and it did have its flaws here and there, but it was generally an enjoyable experience to read.

Kana: 2 points. You did well for the most part. The trip across the river seemed a bit monotonous in your writing (ie. "he slung from a rock to another rock, tried to grab a rock but missed, then stuck his sword into the ground until it caught a rock"; not an exact quote, but a paraphrase)" so try to vary it up a bit. Experiment, play with words, find different ways to say something. I did notice that after Eijiro said "talk less, act more, let me do the talking" you actually did have Kana say little to nothing, and appreciated that little touch of detail you maintained

Ace: 3 points. A good showing, though the part I took the most issue with was when Kana began to swim across the river and you wrote "Often, the hardest challenge was just reaching what you desired, and so it was the case here." It felt like you were trying to push that that had been a part of Eijiro's lesson when, to me, it seemed like something you hadn't been expecting, but were trying to incorporate it into your plans at the last second, rather than acknowledge it as an oversight and try to find a different way to work it in. For example, you could have said something like "Eijiro hadn't expected the river to prove such an obstacle for Kana, but then again he hadn't taken the full suit of body armour into account", and that would have felt a lot more plausible than what you went with. Otherwise, good stuff.
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Old 05-26-2010, 12:31 AM   #4
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Thanks for the rating, Res. Can I get +2 in Stamina
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Old 05-26-2010, 10:18 AM   #5
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Edited up.
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Old 06-01-2010, 11:14 AM   #6
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Damn, missed this. Thanks for the advice Res. It did catch me a bit off-guard, tbh.

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Old 06-02-2010, 12:57 PM   #7
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Edited and moved.
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