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Old 08-30-2017, 01:04 AM   #1
Mizu
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AppROCKximation


Kaori attempts to track down a group advocating for
freedom from the tyranny of the Stone Force Jewels.
Kaori believes he's infiltrated the group, but sometimes
bad things happen to good people.

A solo excursion, part I of II.
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Old 08-31-2017, 03:43 PM   #2
Hitoko
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Oh la la la, a solo thread.

I'll claim this one.
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Old 09-04-2017, 06:25 PM   #3
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Quote:
The woman introduced herself as Yuriko, the curly haired man was Asosa, a portly man with a full beard was Shinji, and there were three similarly dressed people in black shirts and jeans. Of those three, there was a raven haired woman with bloodshot eyes who introduced herself as Shirou, a thin man who looked to be her brother who called himself Kuro, and a shorter man who looked quite young, who called himself Aoi.

Kaori promptly forget all their names.

That made me laugh.

One Point Award for Stats

Truth be told, this was a rather solid solo thread. I feel like it’s a good set up for the next venture of Kaori, I even went as far as reading the other solo threads you wrote before delving into this one. When reviewing the sequence of events, Kaori essentially woke up, saw a flyer and threw some clothes on, went to the park, got to a meeting and then got captured. Throughout the conflict, I didn’t really feel like he was in much danger, but the concept alone made for a smooth—abet short—read.

The language of your writing reads much like the format of contemporary literature, where I appreciate that you hit all the sensory details needed (sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch), but often they rolled out one after another sort of like a list. I’d encourage you to be a bit more aware of that in the future to switch things up a bit, and, if you see fit, experiment with inserting your character’s personality in the voicing of your writing, too.

Now, this isn’t to say anything went wrong in this thread, or that it was lack luster, it was a fine/average thread and the writing was on point (more on point) than I expected for the length.

Glad to see you’re having fun with your character. Continue forward with the good writing, hope he comes out well in the next thread.

P.S.
Oh, you a mod so I presume you can do your own edits, lol.
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Old 09-04-2017, 06:46 PM   #4
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I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm definitely noticing that some of my writing is, against my thinking otherwise, surprisingly formulaic. I don't try to make it so, but I guess it's just another excuse to sit down and actually review my work, rather than just edit it for clarity. I appreciate the feedback.

I'm taking +1 Strength and using an AP to get stage five Reflect All Force.
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