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Old 03-06-2019, 05:10 PM   #1
Cayuga
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Default Not Quite Dead, Yet

Nara Shikagerou and Aburame Cho go on a mission to find and collect a renegade Aburame. However, it seems like they are the ones being hunted.

Not Quite Dead, Yet
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Old 03-10-2019, 05:52 PM   #2
Junge
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Claimed. Rating up today.
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Old 03-10-2019, 07:23 PM   #3
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The general breakdown: decent thread, fairly successful attempt to establish a noir-ish mood and atmosphere, not terribly paced despite being a 'long' thread by Engi standards.

The goods: this thread finished where the story did, the Aburame villain was given a bit of character and intelligence (wow, a kawarimi usage!), and for a little while there was some cool action set pieces.

The not so goods: the villain's plan doesn't make a lot of sense, 'let's separate and fight different enemies' used as a crutch for the last half of the thread, and one more big giant issue that I'll mention somewhere else.

Overall: More good than bad, by a hair.

Three points, one for jutsu for VD. One point, no jutsu for Cayuga.



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Old 03-10-2019, 07:32 PM   #4
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1 control please ouch

VD Edit: Character sheet updated.

Last edited by Virtual Dream; 03-11-2019 at 11:24 AM..
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Old 03-11-2019, 11:38 AM   #5
Virtual Dream
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I appreciate the time you took to rate this. I'm trying to find the best way to fill in this character in a way that feels appropriate for what I have in mind - - something between Shodai Hokage and...Jetstream Sam, or something. I hope it'll get easier as I move forward with his character development.

You will never shame me out of using grenades for cover, I live for it.

Nara Shikagerou will activate his Bookworm special to take an extra jutsu from this thread.

Thread Point 1: Ryuujin-fu Stage 6 (30 Speed, 30 Strength, 15 Stamina, 18 Control, 18 Power)
Thread Point 2 (Archetype Special): Air Hike | Tenkuu Hokou no Gyou (The Art of Walking on Air) (Power 15, Control 15, Reserves 13, Intelligence 14)
Thread Point 3: +1 Intelligence
__________________
¤Nara Shikagerou, Sennin of Leaf.
¤Hyuuga Yuu, Genin of Leaf.
¤Gushiken Ren, Chuunin of Mist.
¤Hikoboshi no Natsu, Miko of Wind.
¤Sajime Sahori, Jounin of Stone.
¤Kiku-ichimonji Jun'ko, ronin samurai.
¤Hatsuyuki Shiro, renegade shinobi.
¤Keisei Ranko, The Prince of the Keisei.
Available for Registry Checks
Engi Tech || Leaf & Stone Secondary GM
Important NPCs: Higashi

Maybe it's the patterns that make me that made me crazy
(a r t i f i c a l f a n t a s y)
(swaps [AP] items)

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