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Old 08-30-2017, 04:11 PM   #1
Junge
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Default [Sand] Confronting the Frivilous Three

Len Sosu
Sawamatsu no Motonubu

Confronting the Frivolous Three


Technically Part Four of a series! Len Sosu and Sawamatsu no Motonubu complete their mission to eliminate the last of the Furious Five, then Three, now One. Mostly banter!
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Old 09-01-2017, 04:36 PM   #2
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Fail on my part.

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Old 09-04-2017, 02:38 AM   #3
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I will be forfeiting my points for this thread but would still like a rating and for the thread to be in the character thread log. Sorry for the inconvenience!
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Old 04-04-2018, 05:27 PM   #4
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Claiming this 7 months later. I got you guys.
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Old 04-04-2018, 07:36 PM   #5
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Alright, I’m truly sorry this thread got passed up over the months. I’m on my phone, so I’m gonna keep his short and sweet.

Cayuga: This was an entertaining read from you, though as I’ve stated in previous ratings, your posts could be so much better if you proofread. You have several misspellings and improperly used words, like “then” in place of “than.” You also rarely use commas where they’re needed. After a phrase, when strewing together independent clauses, between a subordinate clause in the beginning and an independent clause at the end, etc. Am I terribly mad about it? No, but it does distract the reader (read: probably me more than others) quite a bit.

Content wise, it was interesting. Truthfully though, why is Sosu in KAZE? You even brought it up in the thread. Lol, nothing about him this thread was sneaky. He blatantly disobeyed orders, and rather than complete the mission, moved to terrorize the target. From what I read in this one, he did similar things in the past threads. Character growth — mental development — is just as important as making him buff. He behaves strangely like a genin.

But it’s not all bad! I really liked the thread, though the ending did leave me a little disappointed. There was supposed to be a big rivalry or something between the two and it was like, a few punches and a dog summon later, the thread ends. Sosu is funny though, and you matched Junge’s characterization of the NPCs pretty well when you RPed as them.

2 points, one for jutsu.

Junge: What is with you having Motonubu setting up elaborate traps that lead to the death of superbads? I approve, regardless. Motonubu lead the thread as per usual, no surprise there. You do a really good job characterizing him — his frustration was literally tangible. I think it was such a good read on your part because most readers were thinking the exact same thing that he was.

It was great characterization on your part. Since the 1 thread rule has been done away with, I’m offering you points.

3 points, one for jutsu.
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Old 04-04-2018, 09:58 PM   #6
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Thanks for the rating Wess; appreciate the hasty rating. Idk, I think I just suck at grammar.

Both points in Speed please
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Old 04-05-2018, 09:56 AM   #7
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I'm around just in time to actually claim these give or take three to six months! Just put all 3 points into Willpower. Thanks for rating, editing, and being a functional community member!
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Old 04-11-2018, 07:31 PM   #8
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Edits made, moving this along.
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