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Old 01-25-2019, 10:46 PM   #1
Junge
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Default [Sand] Reignbows: Rain of Terror

Starring Wisp (Junge)
Co-starring Kaihoukan Tento (Cayuga)
And Guest Starring Hikiboshi no Natsu (VD)

After a harrowing battle with a devious, rainbow colored dragonfly leaves Wisp and Tento empty handed, the boys keep on their search for the elusive D O U B L E R A I N B O W. They are assisted by Hikiboshi no Matsu, a miko with a mysterious past! Together they enter a funhouse of horrors where up is down, left is right, and clean wholesome family entertainment is worthy of a censor bar. Oh, and they kill the monster. That happens too.


showing in select theaters near you
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Old 01-25-2019, 11:36 PM   #2
Seikon
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Claiming the bijuu butts
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Old 01-27-2019, 06:12 PM   #3
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The transition between the final few posts of the previous thread and the opening few posts of this thread was excellent -- from the alterations of the deal and the village's "phone-a-friend" while Tento sleeps, to Tento's innocence contrasted against "Wisp's" experience, to Consulting-Foxgirl's arrival on the scene, you three each set the scene and stage in a great way. It had me thinking, wow, the last thread was really well done too -- surely they can't keep the pacing this solid and the characterization so strong.

The hooks you established both in Part 1 and in the opening of Part 2 carried very well throughout.

Admittedly a little bit of the cohesion felt lost after that first round, as they traveled towards the objective in the wagon. I suppose it's natural for that to happen, at least as far as Engi is concerned -- when you've got three characters trying to interact with eachother all at once, dialogue tends to suffer because it becomes that much harder to maintain a back-and-forth between all three of them simultaneously. Something I've tried to make a concious effort to do, in those situations especially, is just take the L when the order doesn't enable me to sensibly and tactfully slide in my own character's dialogue without disrupting the flow of the narrative (unless it's like an arc-thread or open-thread scenario where this matters less and the order can be adjusted to accomodate). I would also point out that trying to plan out a thread ahead of time, specifically discussing dialogue and the progression of the plot, can go a long way!

The levels of description you use really paints a vivid picture for me, as the reader, which is something I appreciate to a fault, OK? I like words and stuff...

And you did manage to keep the characterization burning bright throughout the thread; even while Tento was unconcious/incapacitated, he was represented well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tento
The last thought in his mind was how amazing the woman smelled covered in his blood"
...l-lewd.

Ending wrapped everything up nicely. For IC-purposes: Sunagakure has collected their payment and this mission has been deemed an official success.

Edit: "Wisp smells green," >> is Tento just loopy, or is this a joke about greed/envy/jealousy, or one about inexperience? lol

Very minimal typos/goofs. Otherwise, I made a few extra notes:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tento
the man known as Wisp

As the words of the Wisp reverberated
Wisp is a kid, and Tento hasn't really worked with him before, so when Tento (in-character) says things like "the man known as Wisp" it feels too meta for my tastes. Try to see through the eyes of your character as much as possible while writing them! But, I do think that "as the words of the wisp..." sounds poetic, and in a good way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tento

”What do you mean no reflection? You mean she is a vampire!”
I dunno how applicable this real-world thing is to the shinobi world. There is probably some kami/yokai/bijuu/whatever equivalent that you could have used here instead that would have been more appropriate to the thread and the setting of Engi in general. To quote Wisp:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wisp
“Vampire? Are you stupid, or just clueless?” Wisp turned away from the fire as it whited-out his night vision and instead stared back into the reflection. “This is obviously some kind of trick of the light, exactly what I'd expect from the beast.”
This post's missing dialogue color!

But, yadda yadda, get your bread. Overall, good thread. (BEE PURUSU)

3 for Wisp, 3 for Natsu (+ whatever Bijuu bogus stuff, yum), 2 for Tento (and access to jutsu should your hearts desire it).
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Last edited by Seikon; 01-27-2019 at 06:21 PM..
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Old 01-27-2019, 06:25 PM   #4
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>:| I think references to Dracula style vampire folklore and movies make as much sense to jeans-wearing radio-listening e-mail using shinobi. Just, yanno, sayin'.


Natsu will take Stage 3 of her Pierce powers.

S3. Slot One: Kamichiten - Divine Point (8 Control, 8 Power, 6 Reserves)

+2 Chakra Control (Total: 12)

Bijuu takes 2 XP, one for thread, one for eating one. Like a vampire. 06/10.

Seikon Edit: stabs the ball with a knife and bans mentions of jeans on engi
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Last edited by Seikon; 01-27-2019 at 06:30 PM..
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Old 01-27-2019, 07:05 PM   #5
Junge
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I said two points, two points!

Thanks for the rating, especially since this thread was scrampacked with posts and illusion nonsense. Your diligence will not go unrewarded, though I hope you like character sheet edits as a reward since that's all I can give you.

Put them points in like so: +1 Power, +1 Intelligence, which gives him enough to use the last point on this:

Global Nin
Stage Four
Shunshin no Jutsu (Instantaneous Body Technique) Requirements: Power 12, Control 11, Reserves 10, Intelligence 12

This can be added to his mission log like this:

HTML Code:
[1/27/2019] [URL="http://narutorp.net/showthread.php?t=46289"]Reignbows: Rain of Terror[/URL] : +1 Power, +1 Intelligence, Shunshin
Sand arc HYPE!

Seikon Edit: Ark Swiped

Last edited by Seikon; 01-28-2019 at 07:09 PM..
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Old 01-27-2019, 08:26 PM   #6
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Yea, it was meant to say that he was greedy. Thank you, I am really feeling like Tento will be my best rp character. Now time for some spiders.

Spider Den
Stage 1 - Relo
Control 3, Willpower 2

and one power

Seikon Edit: Spiderverse Entered

Last edited by Seikon; 01-28-2019 at 07:07 PM..
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