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Old 08-30-2017, 04:15 PM   #1
Junge
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Default [Rain/Snow] A Frozen Rain

A Frozen Rain

Yen, Sero

Oichi, Josuke

Plot (noun): A series of unrelated, uncorrelated coincidental events not necessarily happening in sequential order or location.
This thread has lots of plot.

Oichi Josuke runs from Rain Militia. Yen Sero tries to find a friend with the Rain Militia. People suffer and die for no reason, nobody gains anything, everyone loses, and there's no point to any of it. That's Rain Country, baby!
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Old 09-04-2017, 02:38 AM   #2
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I will be forfeiting my points for this thread but would still like a rating and for the thread to be in the character thread log. Sorry for the inconvenience!
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Old 09-09-2017, 04:37 PM   #3
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Me please. I'll take it I guess
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Old 09-16-2017, 09:02 PM   #4
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Okie dokie.

Junge is forfeiting his points, but I'll still give him some critique. As usual, I'll focus on ethos and emotion of writing because it's all I know. Technically, he's already good. Junge, Little Chuunin Who Could was really running on empty this thread and it never came across of overdid. I love the idea that he's already at 3% at the beginning, it upped the stakes and made all his pure psychotically outlandish "Hijinks!!™" seem almost reasonable. He was desperate, and it was obvious without being ridiculous.

Cay, some of your NPCs came across as very NPC. As in not much description, they give you a quest, and send you along the way while suddenly every NPC is on the same page even if info shouldn't have travelled that far that fast. Also that one shot with Ki... what? He just murders the guy. I get that you mentioned he was weak with a dull blade, but there was no reckoning or reason, he just died. No description about it, no mention of Ki's look of betrayal and confusion. It seemed empty.

But it's not all empty, the tactics in the thread were great. Durable snow bunshins throwing everyone off was great. I loved it and other than the OHKO he was reasonable. He was tracking a snow nin. I also really liked how you went with the thread and pushed in parts but also took the lead from Junge in some areas, that ebb and flow was nice!

I think you two needed to reread each other more because there was some confusion (windows being trapped and the barricade but Ki just makes it in?) and some minor errors (especially in the first few posts, Cay).

Overall, though, I see improvement and it's really cool because you have some great ideas, Cayuga. I look forward to seeing more of your work!

3 points, stats and jutsu.

And for Junge, I'm awarding two points upon his return, payable by TP or my own personal AP if this is expired.
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Old 09-17-2017, 08:35 AM   #5
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Can I get +1 in control and reserve and also

Spider summon
Stage 4 - Richi
Control 14, Power 13, Reserves 11, Tactics 10


Thanks for the rating mizu
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Old 09-24-2017, 11:26 PM   #6
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Cayuga, you already took Richi with your 3 AP. Please choose another stat or jutsu.
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Old 09-25-2017, 07:45 AM   #7
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Stage 5 Tengu
Control 18, Power 17, Reserves 17, Tactics 14
It is hahaha
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