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[Sand/Rain] A Prince's Demise

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  • [Sand/Rain] A Prince's Demise

    A Prince's Demise
    Tenka Nen, Cayuga
    Wisp, Junge

    On the hunt for the back-ripper of Bouryoraku, two shinobi try to be clever about it and pay the price. It's a slow burn into a very, very fast inferno! Hot! Too hot!
    (Rain Chuunin) Oichi Josuke | (Sand Chuunin) Sawamatsu no Motonubu | (Leaf Chuunin) Hyuuga Kannon
    (Retired Grass Chuunin) Shinshi Gemmei | (Snow Genin) Gonnohyoe | (Mist Genin) Kurusu Ringo
    (Brigade of Light) Chosokabe Muneshige | (Leaf Chuunin) Hong Feiyan
    Shichou Clan GM - Shichou Mission Thread Here!
    Brigade of Light GM - Missions and More!
    I will do any thread, anywhere, anytime. Just PM me!
    Wizlab | Swaps | (AP) | RIP

  • #2
    I'll claim this one so I can move the line along and get closer to getting my own threads rated.

    Oh, wait, because I want to read the thread--yeah, that.

    MEMBER OF THE MUTHAFUCKIN' YEAR!
    Don of the Sanada Family
    Leaf & Grass Lieutenant



    Let's end the speculation, I'm talkin' to all of y'all
    Males shouldn't be jealous, that's a female trait
    What, you mad ‘cause you push dimes and he sell weight?
    Y'all don't know my expenses, I gotta buy bigger plates
    Hehehe, and more baggies — why you all aggie?
    Homie, respect the game, that should be it
    What you eat don't make me shit; where's the love?



    Comment


    • #3
      Overall, I thought this was an alright thread, though there were certain parts that kind of seemed disjarring to me.

      I didn't really understand the plan and it surprised me to have the SF Chuunin essentially be the damsel in distress. The thread was rather ho-hum, the only conflict really coming from Wisp's incompetence and everything seemed sort of paint by numbers--there was no character conflict, the thread ended in anti-climax and the actual climax of the thread was reliant on the player characters...being disjarringly stupid. It really kind of sat with me that Wisp talked about how skilled they were at infiltration and they walked so easily into a trap. The pacing of the thread also confused me and I think you guys could've done better with cut-aways and really playing up the Ocean's 11 style hi-jinks. Overall my opinion of the thread was a decided "meh".

      While there was little character development and sometimes the character's actions wouldn't really line up with their speech or portrayal, the narrative and lack of characterization didn't take away from the overall quality of the writing and you both did feel like a team while the thread was going on, building off each other's posts. In this sense, this thread seemed a lot more useful for Junge and Cayuga rather than Wisp/Motonobu and Ten. I got that sense by the thread's end that while you two will no doubt RP together again, I dunno if Ten and Nobu will. The lack of internal monologue, real understanding of motivations, disjarring and immersion breaking display of incompetence on both sides with little thought or regret put it afterwards.

      Just overall a forgettable thread but hopefully giving y'all something to build on as RPers even though it seems like your characters treated this mission the same way I'd treat going off to get a gallon of milk for my Mom...just didn't get any sort of stakes or it having any effect on your characters.

      Meh thread gets meh rating.

      3 points, 1 jootsu for the Ame-Nin.

      2 points, 1 jootsu for the Yagyou

      MEMBER OF THE MUTHAFUCKIN' YEAR!
      Don of the Sanada Family
      Leaf & Grass Lieutenant



      Let's end the speculation, I'm talkin' to all of y'all
      Males shouldn't be jealous, that's a female trait
      What, you mad ‘cause you push dimes and he sell weight?
      Y'all don't know my expenses, I gotta buy bigger plates
      Hehehe, and more baggies — why you all aggie?
      Homie, respect the game, that should be it
      What you eat don't make me shit; where's the love?



      Comment


      • #4
        Thanks Buko, I dont think Junge is around anymore however.

        ill take
        Vulture Contract
        Stage One
        Kuchiyose no Moriko

        And 2 points in Control

        [color=steelblue]Based Kiba: Edits done.[color]
        Last edited by Based Kiba; 05-26-2018, 04:30 AM.


        Sengo-Bloody Bones

        Tako Tao

        Aburame Cho

        Sanada Toko

        Kaihoukan Tento

        Len Sosu-Kaze

        Jukoto "Stone Fist" Tomo


        Yen, Sero

        AP

        Swaps

        Comment


        • #5
          Definitely with you on this rating. Turns out I'm not great at heists, good to know I got more to work on.

          Bear with me as I try to fiddle this out on my phone. I'd like to spend one point on Willpower then one point getting Stage Four of this list :

          http://www.narutorp.net/showthread.php?t=9765
          Teachings of the Shinigami
          Stage Four
          Stat Requirements: Strength 16, Speed 15, Stamina 12, Willpower 14
          Stage Bonuses: +5 Strength, +4 Speed

          Thankfully the only edit needing to be done to the stats is to increase the Strength bonus from 15 to 20.

          Plop it down in the thread ratings section however you want, I'm not picky.

          Based Kiba: Edits done.
          Last edited by Based Kiba; 05-26-2018, 04:32 AM.
          (Rain Chuunin) Oichi Josuke | (Sand Chuunin) Sawamatsu no Motonubu | (Leaf Chuunin) Hyuuga Kannon
          (Retired Grass Chuunin) Shinshi Gemmei | (Snow Genin) Gonnohyoe | (Mist Genin) Kurusu Ringo
          (Brigade of Light) Chosokabe Muneshige | (Leaf Chuunin) Hong Feiyan
          Shichou Clan GM - Shichou Mission Thread Here!
          Brigade of Light GM - Missions and More!
          I will do any thread, anywhere, anytime. Just PM me!
          Wizlab | Swaps | (AP) | RIP

          Comment

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