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The Bar <Rated>

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  • The Bar <Rated>


    Surprisingly enough, it wasn't just a crazy random happenstance that these two, Maho and Zaan met in the new chic ritzy bar that just opened in Kirigakure. Zaan's on a mission to find out liquor smugglers and Maho is out to get away from her hum-drum excuse of a life, or so Zaan thinks. They bicker and fight, ignore each other and get honest, go out, and then go their seperate ways, all while including violence, espionage and other really nifty stuff.
    Unofficial Official Snow GM
    Kaori|Hoshi|Koushou|Tsuneo|Yuri|Kei|AP|Swaps|Items|Database

    [[Jadartan]]
    Social Media Moderator for Engi.
    Co-Secondary Mist GM
    Enari Clan GM, The Loyalists GM


  • #2
    Mmhmm this will be mine.

    Comment


    • #3
      Mmm three points to both of you.

      The thread felt divided into two sections: the "mission" section and the "social" section, without much of a buffer in between. She punches someone, he checks crates, and suddenly they're off making nice. It's not as believable as it could be, and as storytellers, you want to put the reader into a state of suspension where they're not suddenly thinking "Huh?" because then for the rest of the story all they'll be focused on is what made them go "Huh?" and not on the story itself.

      It's interesting to see this totally changed Zaan, since the only experiences I've had with him are when he's kind of acting like a young teen. Now he's all grown up, serious, and lolmoneys.

      Comment


      • #4
        +1 Stamina and +2 Willpower.

        Thanks thanks!

        WoF Edit: Done.
        Last edited by Will of Fire; 05-03-2009, 09:02 PM.
        LOOK HERE PLZ


        [Katsumi] - [Maho] - [Tomoko] - [Tsukio] - [Ritsuke] - [Shiori] - [Miyuki]

        Grass Secondary GM
        [9:07:30 PM] M.Cain: She's been super important her whole life,
        and super important to Grass for like a few years.


        Items
        Swaps
        AP

        Comment


        • #5
          Well, he is nearly twenty. Time for him to grow up... and become one of the seven swordsmen (Ho'shit considering his past!! Dx). But sexy, and thanks for the rating. I'll make sure to integrate separate story elements much better.

          +2 Speed and Nenshou Kirigakure from Stage 5 Steam Ninjutsu.

          Nenshou Kirigakure no Jutsu
          -Requirements: Tactics 18, Intelligence 17, Willpower 17, Control 14

          [04.27.09] "The Bar" [+2 Speed] [Nenshou Kirigakure no Jutsu]

          WoF Edit: Done.
          Last edited by Will of Fire; 05-03-2009, 09:09 PM.
          Unofficial Official Snow GM
          Kaori|Hoshi|Koushou|Tsuneo|Yuri|Kei|AP|Swaps|Items|Database

          [[Jadartan]]
          Social Media Moderator for Engi.
          Co-Secondary Mist GM
          Enari Clan GM, The Loyalists GM

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